When I think of you

When I think of you…
I will think of all the moments that we shared
Some good and some bad
The arguments and the fights sometimes come to mind
And I think to myself
Was it all worth it?
Is my autonomy, my independence from you worth the pain that I endure now?
With each moment that passes by
I reflect on our long-standing relationship.
I even thought to myself, damn this boy was truly my first love
But with all first loves, we learn.

We learn about the likes and dislikes.
Not just of you but of me
So let me tell you--
that I will never be the man that you envisioned me to be
Handsome, elegant, charming or seductive
I can only be me.
Self-conscious, simplistic and conventional, yet full of contradictions
Charming at times but silently hoping that you’d reciprocate.
And only seductive because you initiated the first step that my insecurity lacked.
But you know what, queer little boy with big hopes…

Those initial thoughts are your own
They were never what I tried to convey to you
But only the projection of your desires
Could you ever or would you ever know who I am?
I think that maybe someday you will
Because even though I wasn’t the man you wanted
I AM the man that I hope to be one day.
An education, friends to support the work and path that I choose in life
With the courage and bravery to stand against any injustice, but above all of this…

the love to nurture and show tenderness to the person of my dreams.

Games...

So the games that continue to be played
with all the promises you made
leave me to think of you
and the person you've become.
From the young boy who sat next to me
timid, shy, cute, and very sexy
in your own special way.
A way that only I saw, that the world hadn't yet.
All that time we spent we grew
From young boys not knowing our futures
but finding safety in one another.
Where did all that go?
That boy seems lost to me now, in all this drama
felt by distance, time and emotional space.
Amidst all the chaos, of you and me
I tried being that light, a little--
beacon of hope but that light flickers
dimmer and dimmer
not because I don't care but
because of what we/you're doing.
So don't try and sooth, and speak
about how you feel.
Those feelings were heard.

Little Queer Brown Heart

Little Queer Brown Heart

tremble and struggle
tug at those ropes that bind you
Loosen them up so that they may one
day be let completely free.
This little queer brown heart of mine
has loved you so--
for such a long time.
Its only known you, and only you, for so long.
It's been filled with:
love of your being
angered by your demands--
and its own half met.
Scorned by not letting it gain entry to
your small circles of unity.
Jealous at the idea that it wont be
your object of devotion.
Empathetic because another little heart--
will have its place.
But more than anything...
Apologetic for not fulfilling those
hopes and dreams you wanted from it.

Little Brown Heart of Mine

In my room, cold and wet

I find myself thinking of you.

Thinking to myself after my second

orgasm .

How the perversities that satisfy-ied

me will be the ones you'll be doing

With others.

How my feet turn cold and my heart begins to protest.

Thinking to myself how that could be...

My heart in its jealous rage, not wanting to let you go...

But my half-filled heart is in protest

because its given so much to you.

Given so that this little queer brown heart of mine

wants to beat to your desires.

Why is each community's gain every community's gain? Where do you see hope for oppressed communities right now? For LGBT communittes, specifically?

Where I see hope for oppressed communities is in the communal bridge-building across our various differences. What makes the gay community so unique, and also so very special is the additional perspective of sexual identity along with our individual ethnic, cultural, race and class backgrounds. As members of these communities we commonly share the capacity to learn and teach one another through our various perspectives based on individual experiences. With the resources available and the knowledge from our LGBT history to formulate the bonds that can ignite and produce the change we continue to fight for. Our past and present has brought us together during our most trying times and we’ve overcome them with hope, compassion, strength, and courage; qualities that define the essence of who we are. The struggles today are different from what we have come across in our LGBT history. This same history can be measured by the accomplishments and the lessons we have learned from our efforts to provide rights for all, not a selective few. It’s as Harvey Milk described, hope pushes us forward even during our bleakest moments. With this same hope we can fill the gaps in our communities that makes us vulnerable and subjective to the “-ism’s” and “–phobia’s” that have caused us communal and personal harm. For far too long we have endured physical, emotional and psychological traumas, yet hope has brought us here today. Amongst partners, friends, peers, colleagues, and lovers we have learned so much about who we are and how much one community’s gain is every community’s gain.